i heard that J is back from Mexico. for real this time. but for NS.
why am i bothering about J now, when he doesnt even know me?
or rather he forgot about me. -___-
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i am tired already. been crying for 3 days straight.
i dont know why the feeling of crying just comes back so suddenly.
and i feel like crying more, seriously.
its getting from bad to worse, really. sigh.

i dont know what you told spencer that day(Founder's Day dinner) or what spencer told you.
i want to know, but i know you wont tell me. thats cos, you wouldnt even talk to me.
even if i sms you, you wouldnt reply. as though my smses are free.
i just find that its either you or him telling me lies. i dont know.

NAVI, i need you back.
my days are just so grey without you.
i just cant be myself everyday.
its all a pretend, besides being with the dwarfs.
you just completes me.
you just meet all my wants and my needs.

i know saying all these are of no point.
but if you say that, why did you even knock on my door? ):

and if you have all my photos(hundreds of them), did you even look at them?
or you just let them rot? if you let them rot, why not just dump them into the bin?
like what you said, there isnt a point anymore.

now, you know how my life is. happy now?
no more irritating brat in your life. bet is better than no one else's life.
reading my blog just tells you everything that is going on in my life.
and i know you care, but why i cant i know yours too?

maybe,
it's because we were too long together and didn't do enough to keep it there, that's why it faded away
or,
maybe he's just too busy and afraid of dragging me down.
nette says that.
but i really dont know. only he knows

please, i didnt felt so helpless and lonely. its painful too.

somehow, i just wish i could run away from things. but still i have to face it.
sometimes, i want to run away from home to have time alone, but still i have to head home.

seriously, i just need to it.

boy, i love you still.