will it be like this?

ah meng & xiao yue {er mozai shen bian}
xiao yao gege & ling'er {forget}
qiu shi & su la {nan cai nu mao}
elvis & jojo {purple love}

this shows tells me something.
something that i always wanted at the end.
will it happen? i wont know.
just have to wait for reality to happen.
and i think i will have to make it happen.
I WILL TRY! x)

{dreaming of reality to happen}
`pureRETARDED-NESS >find that word in DORCAS' dictionary!

i finally knew everything.
all i could do was to blame myself for everything.
i just wish all this had never ever happen at all.
but what could i do.
i cant stop it from happening.
cant change the time. to the past.

he wrote everything down. so i had no choice but to face the truth. yeah yeah yeah. i didnt know anything. this what i call DUMB! cos i dont know anything. okay. fine. i didnt know anything. be that way. i dont know anything okay? whatever. just wondering why does he always have to say all those stuff. ask me questions like "do you or not?" when he said he did. does he even trust me? maybe just saying it for the sake of saying. YES! i agree with YOU! that i hurt you. but by saying those words and asking those questions dont you think it will hurt too? makes me think that you dont trust me. makes me think that you are just saying it for the sake of saying it. makes me think that you are pretending. just say the truth la. since you say i have hurt you. you could hurt me back right? so now i am letting you hurt me back. so take that chance la. holding it back wouldnt help right? you could hurt me all you want. i might take it seriously or i might not. who would care? practically no one. those scars that had been in my heart when you first hurt me. till now. still there. wishing that it would be healed. but will it heal? i know i hurt you real badly. but i dont know what i did that for. sigh. life is not going get any better.

lifejustSUCK!
now you could hurt me all you want.
i wouldnt mind.

life is going to be worse than ever!

`pureSTUPIDITY! serously! sigh!

now i know how much i hurt him

{cries herself to sleep}

came back from camp yesterday. church camp la. was having camp the whole week la. only have one day of rest but thats for me to pack my stuff to go for church camp la. i was like what the. but not that bad la.kinda fun! LOL.

day ONE!
went to church to board the bus. mum wanted clementi bus but was filled already so had to take the church bus. COMFORT BUS! was very comfortable man! thats why its call comfort bus. LOL. slept in the bus. cos i was real real tired. some people were watching narnia. cant see anything or hear anything. so i continue to sleep. LOL. when we reached the hotel. SUPER BIG SIA! lol. i like it lor. we went for lunch before checking into our rooms. lunch was uper nice. i love it la! room was extra big when only two people are sleeping. me and mum only.after that we had activities den soon was dinner. SO FAST ! oh man. sumptious food again. LOL. rawing nice! den we had theme talk. service la. sort of. nearly all the youths were sleeping la. all of us were tired after the activites. i bet the parents also la. den after theme talk. the youths had some trible council thingy. adelene told all the youths our groupings la. SIAN! i dont want! LOL. but had to.
MY GROUP! > PRAWN!
>shaun lim
>daniel tang
>samuel ?
>john cheah
>joshua tan
>joshua wong
>samantha yeo{nv join us}
>benita wong
>dorcas sin
this was a super wierd name for the group la. dont know why. best go ask shaun he explained to everyone why our group name and group logo was like that. LOL. after that was BED TIME!

day TWO!
breakfast> as usual delicious!
did quiet time with mum. sian! LOL.had theme talk AGAIN! i was also sleeping. and when i wake up. my eyes opened wide. and letitis asked me what happen. the pastor was like staring at me la. LOL. after that was challenge#1 {youths} games!! LOL. had to carry people la. i didnt do anything cos den i was the only gal. cant carry the guys yeah. guys did the stuffs! cool. den its was lunch time after that was siesta! letitia and grace came to my room and watch teevee. while mymother was sleeping. watched that freaking disgusting show. a guy kissed a frog and to turm him back into a frog he had to kiss the guy. LOL. dark oracle! "life was like a comic book" den its was challenge#2 AGAIN! kinda fun! BANANA! make banana stucture with shaun. disgusting. at the end of the game. we had to put everything back together. LOL.den dinner. den worship! 2 hours of worship! cool! i forced andrew to sit beside me.LOL. i want letitia to sit with me but she sat inside. andrew was like willing to sit beside me. but always disturbing me. 20 plus years old already still want to play! hahas. but i treat him as my brother anyway. if he were to be my real brother. its will be fun he is real funny! after that was sleeping! no tribal concil! yes!

day THREE!
same like day three la. have theme talk in the morning den challenge#3. super weird game. had to pick up ping pong bals and stick its on the plates hanging from the ceiling. but with our hands tied together.den after that we had to have the least amount of feet on the ground. den all the people had to step on feets la. most of them step on mine! super pain la!. den after that game was writing chinese words. on the sole! i was the first one to kena la. john was like getting ready. den when he know the word he ask me for my leg. eeek! he write both words on one feet. den leader say one owrd on one feet. den he write the second word one my other feet den you know what he did! he go and cancel on the other feet la. super ticklish! i started to scream den joshua wong started to laugh so loudly! retard! lol. den joshua wong kena same as me cancel. i ask him how was the felling like. he felt nothing den he laugh at me again! bad person!den he poke me. like very fun like that! den we had another challenge#4 was powder game. joshua wong again! ask me to be mascot! always me la. but anyway i could get dirty and the powder has a nice smell! super nice! LOL. its good! all my friends had to protect me! joel lim > pour the powder one me. i started screaming! no one came to cover me! benita came over and shoo them away. den when the next person came they push push push. benita fall and sat on me! thanks benita. lucky you not that heavy la. you heavy i die liao le. hahas.took pictures with the other mascot. full of powder! LOL. den morgan ask us to hug 5 person. LOL!
1. letitia
2.benita
3.alison
4.christine
5. last one! for you to find out! LOL
den it wasrecreation. amazing race! LOL. kinda boring. taking care of small kids la. lol. treat me like a baby sitter! whee! tips leh?! hahas.den was dinner. den bathe. den dinner!!! den theme talk. sleeping again. LOL. den there was prayer and alter call. many cried scream laugh. scary. i am used to it la. i had been though it once. den i was sitting one the chair sleeping. den i lie on the chair and sleep for a while. den letitia wanted to sit. so i gave up my seat. den i rest sat down also. so i went to grab joshua slipper to wear. i know i am retard. i was just bored la. den i wore his slipper to tribal council. den i ask him whether can wear until tml. den i went back to my room with his slipper. super big! i like la. LOL. den he wake my mother up to return his slipper to him! ao bad! wear until morning also cannot! hahas.

day FOUR!
saw joshua and said to me slippers. den i say buy me slippers. den i say no need. lol. den after that went back to pack and went for camp closing. nearly fall asleep. had holy communion using pain bread instead of those bread we eat in church. den we went bac to the room pack and bathe and time for lunch. went to A&W to had lunch. now singapore no A&W already. their food super nice! i like and i miss it. den head for home. reached home about 930pm! :)

camp was real fun man! LOL x)